Revolutionary Brewing (Paonia, CO)

I should make mention now that the MSR “hubba hubba” tent is the shit.  Though we may have enjoyed a pleasant night at the edge of a fierce mountain storm, that storm eventually made it off the hill and thoroughly dumped all over us.  We woke to find that we were practically floating in a puddle, but thanks to above mentioned product, we were still dry.  Again, I 100% approve of this product.

There is no good way to stay dry when packing up your superior tent though, and no lobster pot of a hot spring was going to serve to warm our sorrowful state.  We made for the highway, dripping and cursing, but never undone.  We knew Paonia and fresh brews awaited us somewhere down that road, and time was wasting just getting wet.

The Red and the Pale

Paonia (pronounced P’h-Oh-nee AH) is so damned cute it either belongs in a Disney movie where the farmers and their talking animals all live happily ever after, or in a horror movie where the farm animals turn into zombies and eat the farmers.  But just beyond the chic and fluffy wool covering your eyes is a brewery that will not conform to the oppressive norms of the status quo.  No no, Revolutionary Brewery seeks to redefine not only reality, but beer itself, and will not rest till the shackles of the oppressive beer oligarchy have been shed from the pints of the proletariat! 

Time to bring down the Man!

Really, Revolutionary Brewing is just as cute and quaint in its image as it is in its beer, but nonetheless produced some of the finer beers on our tour.  The brewery itself is likely no bigger than the room you’re sitting in right now, but its just the right size for planning your next big act to shake up the establishment.  In honor of Revolutionary’s progressive momentum, we decided to describe and judge their beers in an equally progressive way.  Instead of bowing to the grammatical rules that so rigidly define us and divide us, we will instead tear down these linguistic laws and speak in a wholly new and free language!

Red:  Beth's crotch hairs!  ?Wake up and bark like a hamburger?  We could go BOWLING!

Heffeweizen:  Backward spoken tap dance face!  Don’t camera up slither down stars into the waste bucket.  This is supposed to>de>wo>fillmeup?

Stout:  Giant gorilla hands selling me cupcake freedom!  If you want, I’ll book cheetahs for dinner!!!!!

"Who let this guy play?  UuuGH, terrible!"

Porter:  Time gun fired up a motor that eats the future!  Now go to sleep!  Go to sleep!  Go to sleep!  Go to sleep!

Pale Ale:  VN  IE nfw2 23ihf 43902 nw edn( 2w39 (W0efni N $23 $&(@ 72 89#$# *(G)9gf24gni?><?!!

Rating:  87&8 out of 129_-998 awkward silences while playing open mic night.